To Be Me

A wise midwife once told me that I worked hard my whole life to become who I am today. Why would I want to try to be anybody but me? This, I realize, is infinitely true. All along this midwifery journey I have been putting the pieces of me back together. Slowly, painstakingly moving towards wholeness the entire time. True, some of the pieces of me that got lost along the way (or got shredded,┬ástomped on, or otherwise came to an unhappy end) did so as a direct result of my midwifery journey. Abusive preceptors, tough birth experiences, my own low sense of self-worth and self-esteem all did a number on me and my soul. And yet I find myself here in a time of putting the pieces together, slowly by slowly. Amazing preceptors who are kind and gentle teachers, births and other pregnancy-related experiences that helped me gain my confidence back (and discover new-found confidence I didn’t even know about), the most steadfast girlfriend a dyke like me could ask for, and this tiny growing bud of hope and optimism – these are all things that help me be who I am today. To stand in the light before the Goddess and y’all as myself – my whole self.